The Vintage Theatre Company and WAJR-FM present "A Christmas Carol"

Directed by Sarah Rowan

Produced And Mixed by Spike Nesmith

Production Co-Ordinator For The Vintage Theatre Company: Jason Young

Production Co-Ordinator For WAJR-FM: Reuben Perdue

Picture it: Christmas!  2010!  From the bowels of the Taskerlands Radiophonic Workshop comes a rarity: a radio special that's so special, it can bring the world together.  It unites warring nations via the gift of laughter.  It ends hunger, cures various cancers and colonises Mars.  Global warming immediately depletes, polar ice caps re-freeze and the hole in the ozone layer - if that still exists, even - closes up.  For 80 glorious minutes of mirth, the world unites and listens to what is arguably the greatest christmas special that sounds like an old radio broadcast from the 40s that has ever been produced by two blokes called Paul and Spike.  In West Virginia.  In the fall of 2010.  

As you can imagine, competition was stiff for that particular award.  Ahem.

OK, so this isn't just a lazy repeat of last year's critically lauded special.  I mean, that would be too easy.  No, this is a newly edited version; running at a svelte 60 minutes (or one metric hour), the special now zips along at a steady pace, with all the unnecessary padding stripped out.  All this means that even though there might be less world uniting, hunger-ending, environment preserving, ozone layer-repairing going on, it *does* give you more time to get the rest of your shopping done.

Happy holidays.  See you in oh-twelve.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!  What makes it wonderful?  Taking time off work, of course!  But don't worry, there's still a festive smell in the air with this, the special director's cut of the 2008 Christmas Special.  Why is it the director's cut?  Well, there is approximately five whole podcast-exclusive minutes of new material crowbarred in instead of including the costly music that used to be there, it's in living stereo, and also because.... 

um.....

uuhhhhhhh.....

LOOK, IT JUST *IS*, ALRIGHT?  WHY DON'T YOU GET THE HELL OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT?  RIGHT, THAT'S IT - I'M GOING TO MOTHER'S.

***SLAM!!!!***

Um, anywayses.  Next week, you can enjoy the specially edited director's cut of last year's Christmas special, "Paul&Spike: The Gay Batchelors"; now edited down to a managable hour, with almost all of the painfully unfunny filler garbage cut out.

WARNING!  This episode is for film bores only, as Old Spike takes his place in the rotating Paul Chair.  On the agenda is OS's Week In Stuff, some chat about the classics, the time he and his mother's trip across Glasgow was interrupted by the real Laurel and Hardy, and we'll find out who WC Fields referred to as "a goddamn ballerina".

Owing to some construction at Taskerlands, the recording home of Too Grumpy Critics, next week will be a special presentation of a previous years' Christmas special, so there's plenty of time to get your answers in for Old Spike's question: what film quotes have you incorporated into your daily life? Do you know someone who doesn't like the special sauce, Rick?  Have you ever made someone an offer they couldn't refuse, or told them to try the veal?  Let us know at the usual address, which IS...?

theusualaddress at gmail.com

@spikester on Twitter

and, for Google Plus fans, it's plus.paulandspike.com

Never miss another show - RSSubscribe to the feed at sub.paulandspike.com

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At last! An expert! Radio programming King Midas John Collins plonks himself down in the rotating Paul Chair to talk radio. Spike faces off against his broadcasting mentor; John is endlessly enthusiastic about the future of radio as a medium; Spike.... not so much. Can someone who still believes in the magic convince him otherwise?

Also on the agenda: a dissection of Scottish politics,why certain formats work in some countries but not others, and what "ben the press" means.  Apologies for the dip in quality in the first half hour - blame Spike's wilderness internet.

Keep in touch!

email: theusualaddress [at] gmail.com
twitter: @spikester
G+: plus.paulandspike.com

This week's guest is Matt Owen, writer for "The Joan Rivers Position", satirical magazine Private Eye, that Channel Four sweatshop known as "The 11 O'Clock Show" (which featured both Sacha Baron-Cohen, Ricky Gervaise at the start of their careers, and a fresh-faced Charlie Brooker), plus innumerable birthday cards - some of which had tenners in.

Another great show for aficionados of British comedy and for anyone who has ever thought about writing comedy.  Do Americans process comedy in a different way than Brits?  What makes some British shows work across the pond, but others fall flat?  Why do American sit-coms have better character development than their British counterparts?  These and other comedy conundrums addressed head-on, in addition to an update on who started the second world war, whether Stephen Fry needs any more money, and what makes acceptable subjects for comedy.

The question for next week's show: The 70s had several instances of sit-coms being made into films, what modern (or past) sit-coms would you like to see get the theatrical treatment?

Keep in touch via The Usual Address, whish IS....?  theusualaddress [at] gmail.com
via Twitter: @spikester
via Google+: plus.paulandspike.com 

If you're a fan of classic British comedy, this week's show with author Louis Barfe will either play out like a conversation with kindred spirits, or serve as the basis for a lifetime of research into the classics.

Find out how much of Louis' new book was written with his trousers at his ankles, what made the last ten thousand words of "Where Have All The Good Times Gone" fly by, and who really won the Sex Pistols/Bill Grundy debate.

Pre-order "The Trials And Triumphs Of Les Dawson" on t'Amazon now.  It's available in early February of oh-twelve.

BRITISHERS! Order Louis' books on the Amazon dot coe dot you kay machine by clicking here.

AMERICANSES! Order Louis' books on Amazon dot com by clicking here. Get 'em whilst they're cheap... before he does!

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Keepez-vous in touch avec the show:

The Usual Address - @spikester - Google+

This week, Andrew Wooding (one half of Two Men and a Ghost) gets dizzy on the Paul Chair to talk about his in-progress spooky books, the regular 2MG two-page spread in Haunted Magazine and Mike Kazybrid's 'Plastic Grannies'.  Also on the agenda, Andrew's Week In Stuff, a conversation about whether "Life Of Brian" is offensive or not, and tears flow as we tackle last season's cliffhanger question regarding films that make us cry.

Keep in touch, via The Usual Address / Twitter / Google+

And so, as we begin the beginning of season five of Too Grumpy Critics, we do so with just one very small and minor change; 50% of the cast is missing.  o_O  Paul has decided to extend his vacation from the show, so - hopefully - he'll be back at some point.  So in order to make up the smart quotient of the show, here's how it's going to work for the next few weeks: I'll be rotating guest co-hosts of interest who will discuss their week in stuff, answer and comb through the correspondence from the previous weeks' question, and to set their own question for the next week's guest.

This week, being the pre-premiere, we refresh our memories with an edited recap of the last show, and also hear a clip from 2009's appearance from Mike Kazybrid and Andrew Wooding, otherwise known as Two Men and a Ghost, who will be joining us in two weeks' time.  Next week, though, Scottish radio legend and member of the Sony radio academy John Collins will drop in to tell us exactly why he thinks live and local radio *isn't* doomned.  Good luck, John!

Onwards ad upwards, troops!

Quick note: it sounds like, in some places, Paul has delayed reaction times.  This isn't down to drink, it's down to a weird bandwidth issue that meant there was a gap of roughly three seconds between one saying something and the other hearing it.  Because the show is recorded on Spike's side, Paul is the one that sounds slow. 

0:00:00 - Master Paul Higginbotham and Sir Spike Nesmith The Third discuss their hot weather no-booze drinks.

0:02:24 - Light Week In Stuff for Paul including the first episode of the elusive but comprehensive series "Hollywood", a series that takes roughly as much time to watch as it takes to see three Kurosawa movies; nine years.  Also, a third week of cartoon violence and - this time - some freshly restored racism with the "Tom and Jerry" DVD set.  C'mon chile!

0:08:27 - Spike's moving house, so there's little time to watch any Stuff.  He finally got his grubby mitts on an entirely legal copy of the US "Life On Mars".  Be warned, there's a spoiler alert for the UK spin-off "Ashes To Ashes".  Not that it matters, given how good it wasn't.  Imagine, though.  History on The History Channel, in the shape of "American Pickers"!

0:24:50 - Next week's topic is revealed - what movies or scenes in movies always bring a lump to your throat.  In other words, what are the great weepies, or the so-called weepies that leave you cold?

0:32:08 - This week's question: what was the last big summer blockbuster that you were *really* excited about?

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As Mr T would say, "please keep in touch with the show and let us know your thoughts, not only on whatever subject we happen to be covering at the time, but also on past topics, if you happen to be listenng to a previous show.  Fool."

EMAIL! theusualaddress [at] gmail dot com

TWITTER!  @paulandspike - @jockopablo - @spikester

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